I know you all get sick of me posting about not finding love, but I can't help it as I honestly feel that is one of the only areas in my life that is truly lacking. I guess I'm feeling down about myself because I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I have to be doing something wrong, right? I'm the common denominator in this situation. Katt Williams said something about "attracting ain't shit men because women have ain't shit pussy..." Well, although Katt Williams has gone crazy, he did have an interesting point. Maybe there is something about me where I continue to attract men who just aren't worth my time. Of course, there is always the theory that those are the easy men to get. After all, men who are users love to go after half-suspecting, half-witted females such as myself. We're easy, because we're desperate. We just want a man who will pay attention to us every once in a while, someone who we can tell some of our friends about, but not necessarily take home to mama. You can't take a thug home to mama, right?
So for the past few months, some of you (but not all of you) know that I'm doing the online dating thing. It's not working. One of my favorite ones was the man who did not understand that we were not a match, we would never be a match, and if he thought to read my online profile he would see that I'm the exact opposite of anything he has claimed to be attracted to... He likes Broadway musicals and hates coffee. He also thought I would meet him at a Target Starbucks and then get in the car with him after that. Mama didn't raise no fool - I was born at night not last night, son! I don't get in cars with strangers.
The next guy sounded like someone I could have gotten more into. He was from New Orleans, he likes food and football, he had never been married and he didn't have kids. He didn't, however, share online how he likes to drink a lot. He was unemployed, didn't have a car, and when I finally did talk to him on the phone, I couldn't understand a word he said. More importantly, he didn't have anything to really talk about. Of course, if he did have something to talk about, I wouldn't know, because I couldn't understand him.
So I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I think I figured it out. I'm TOO honest. I'm too upfront. I'm not cute, or coy, or flirtacious. I figured this out while hanging out with my BFF. When I told her about my flaws as other folks see them, she pointed out to me that I expect these people to be accepting of me the way I am, because most of my friends from my childhood and teenage years are accepting of me the way I am. Other people want to change me because they think after knowing me for a month, two or twelve that I'm going to become someone more fitting for their tastes. NEWSFLASH - I'm not. I'm not going to change the way I dress, or wear makeup more often, or learn how to walk in heels. I'm not going to pretend I'm not as smart as I am, or start batting my eyelashes when I talk.
I basically just figured out I will be single for the rest of my life. I can't be who other people want me to be. All I ask for is a good, honest man who can appreciate me for the good, honest woman that I am. Unfortunately the likelihood of finding that man is slim and none. I'm not saying that there aren't good, honest men out there. What I am saying is I'll be 40 in 3 months. Three. Most people have that person that they will marry by the time they turn 40 if they are still single. I don't have that person. I don't have a potential somebody that would be that person. I have awesome friends. I have a great family. I have a decent job. I have a cute face. I have to learn to be alright with being alone.
By the way, if any of you say some crap to me about how my prince will show up once I quit trying to find him, I promise you I will delete you from my Facebook page. I will probably delete you from my phone. I cannot be friends with a person that lives in that unrealistic world. I have had many times when I was not trying to find someone because I had way too much going on, guess what, he didn't show then either. Fact of the matter is, sometimes a prince will come, sometimes they don't. I just wish I was the girl they came for.
