I Was A Teenage Oreo, And I Still Believe In Change

I attended a predominately white school in a predominately white neighborhood commonly referred to as "White Folks Bay," a play on the actual name of Whitefish Bay. It's not an exaggeration, either, based on statistics that show in 2015, Whitefish Bay was 87.5% white (per City-Data.com). In this village of just a tad over 14,000 people, 199 identify as black. To say racism was a problem there is an understatement. Tonight, however, I joined a group that is looking for a solution.

The second school I attended in Whitefish Bay (WFB, for short) was Richards Elementary School. I was there from second grade through eighth grade, and some of the coolest people I have known in my life were people that attended that school. Life was not necessarily perfect, but I remember thinking, even back then, that I was really lucky to attend that school. However, hindsight is always 20/20 and I realized some microaggressions that occurred then, but would be frowned upon now.

In fourth grade, my teacher gave us all an assignment. The assignment was to figure out what part of Europe your ancestors were from and do some research on that country. According to that teacher, we all had ancestors from Europe. I hadn't thought about the possibility of being from Europe, because as a black kid, I recognized my ancestors as people from Mississippi and nothing else. My family wasn't huge on ancestry back then, because we had real issues to be concerned with and the past was the past. Anyway, I went home that night and talked to my Aunt Dorothy, (who most would still consider our family historian), and asked her what country our family was from in Europe. She said, "England, or Ireland, I don't remember which one. But we're from one of those." The look on my face said it all, utter and complete shock. I chose Ireland, but I found out later in life we're definitely from England and possibly from Ireland. Looking back on that assignment, however, I wonder to this day what made that teacher think that it was okay to tell every kid in that class that they had to research their European ancestry, when it's not even something we always recognize or celebrate.

In fifth grade, one of my classmates made fun of my last name. My last name is Blalock, so it's not a stretch to say Blacklock. She said Blacklock and laughed. Was this girl racist? No. She thought she was telling a joke. I didn't laugh, but I understood what she did in the hopes of getting a laugh. I also think because of the lack of diversity in the neighborhood, no one was there to explain to her why what she said was wrong. I was ten, and I know anything I would have said to her at the time would not get through to her.

Other things happened, with people of all races and from students and teachers alike. There was the teacher who talked about sounding like Tonto, the teacher who asked me to write a rap song about Romeo and Juliet, students who reminded me that as a black person I should be cooler (apparently I was the first black nerd at WFB High School, which I wish I was smart enough to really be considered a nerd). The insults about me being an oreo (I was black on the outside and white on the inside), the teacher who asked me why did all black people hate Elvis, the list goes on and on. Through it all, though, I still believed. I thought there would eventually come a day where I didn't hear about people complaining that they had to attend a Black History program, because it wasn't like we learned much about black people back then anyway.

Well, unbeknownst to me, racism in "The Bay" is still a problem. I thought things would change within the past 25+ years since I graduated, but that was not the case. Imagine my surprise when, a little over six months ago, a young man who wrote for the school newspaper asked me about my experiences at Bay. I thought surely things had changed after the incident with the basketball coach who took a kid home after practice 20 years ago, but he was humiliated by Whitefish Bay cops. Or another time, where a different coach drove his team home through Shorewood and was pulled over by several cop cars in front of Whitefish Bay Dominican High School, with guns drawn. On the other side, there is the misconception that everyone in that area is racist, because a few bad apples rotten the bunch.

That brings us to tonight. I've known Melissa (Tupesis) Santa Cruz since I was in second grade. I told her, a few months ago, that my favorite memory of her was how she was willing to light our Bunsen Burner in 8th grade science because I was afraid of matches at the time. Well, Melissa left Bay a long time ago, but she returned, and we've been able to reconnect. When Melissa, and her partner in crime Elissa (no they didn't plan that) contacted me to let me know they were starting an anti-racism group to combat these issues in Whitefish Bay, I was ready to meet that night! According to 24/7 Wall Street, the greater Milwaukee metropolitan area is the 11th most segregated city in the US as of September 2016. That is actually an improvement, because we were consistently in first place for that for years. While we didn't meet that night, they did establish a group and a Facebook page called One Circle Forward. This group is going to promote change starting in Whitefish Bay, and at the rate we're going, I can see great things happening everywhere.

That little girl with the weird last name, pug nose and nappy hair knew in the early 80s that going to school in Whitefish Bay meant something special. Tonight, I found out exactly how special it was. I'm so excited for the next chapter, but in the meantime, go Blue Dukes!

Let's read!

I haven't sat back and read a meaningful book in a long time. I came across the following list - http://www.buzzfeed.com/krystieyandoli/books-you-pretend-youve-read-but-actually-havent and I realized there were a lot of books that I read a long time ago, but I should probably brush up on them.  So, I've decided to read each of these books and blog about them.  I'm giving myself an average of two weeks for each book, with the exception of the Bible, as I don't think I can read the Bible in two weeks AND maintain a life. Hopefully everyone will consider reading or re-reading some of these books while I do it.  Let's have some fun!

Calling on Prince Charming...

I know you all get sick of me posting about not finding love, but I can't help it as I honestly feel that is one of the only areas in my life that is truly lacking.  I guess I'm feeling down about myself because I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.  I have to be doing something wrong, right? I'm the common denominator in this situation.  Katt Williams said something about "attracting ain't shit men because women have ain't shit pussy..."  Well, although Katt Williams has gone crazy, he did have an interesting point.  Maybe there is something about me where I continue to attract men who just aren't worth my time.  Of course, there is always the theory that those are the easy men to get.  After all, men who are users love to go after half-suspecting, half-witted females such as myself.  We're easy, because we're desperate.  We just want a man who will pay attention to us every once in a while, someone who we can tell some of our friends about, but not necessarily take home to mama.  You can't take a thug home to mama, right?

So for the past few months, some of you (but not all of you) know that I'm doing the online dating thing.  It's not working.  One of my favorite ones was the man who did not understand that we were not a match, we would never be a match, and if he thought to read my online profile he would see that I'm the exact opposite of anything he has claimed to be attracted to...  He likes Broadway musicals and hates coffee. He also thought I would meet him at a Target Starbucks and then get in the car with him after that.  Mama didn't raise no fool - I was born at night not last night, son! I don't get in cars with strangers.

The next guy sounded like someone I could have gotten more into.  He was from New Orleans, he likes food and football, he had never been married and he didn't have kids.  He didn't, however, share online how he likes to drink a lot.  He was unemployed, didn't have a car, and when I finally did talk to him on the phone, I couldn't understand a word he said.  More importantly, he didn't have anything to really talk about.  Of course, if he did have something to talk about, I wouldn't know, because I couldn't understand him.

So I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong.  I think I figured it out.  I'm TOO honest. I'm too upfront. I'm not cute, or coy, or flirtacious.  I figured this out while hanging out with my BFF.  When I told her about my flaws as other folks see them, she pointed out to me that I expect these people to be accepting of me the way I am, because most of my friends from my childhood and teenage years are accepting of me the way I am.  Other people want to change me because they think after knowing me for a month, two or twelve that I'm going to become someone more fitting for their tastes.  NEWSFLASH - I'm not. I'm not going to change the way I dress, or wear makeup more often, or learn how to walk in heels.  I'm not going to pretend I'm not as smart as I am, or start batting my eyelashes when I talk. 

I basically just figured out I will be single for the rest of my life. I can't be who other people want me to be. All I ask for is a good, honest man who can appreciate me for the good, honest woman that I am.  Unfortunately the likelihood of finding that man is slim and none.  I'm not saying that there aren't good, honest men out there.  What I am saying is I'll be 40 in 3 months. Three. Most people have that person that they will marry by the time they turn 40 if they are still single.  I don't have that person. I don't have a potential somebody that would be that person. I have awesome friends.  I have a great family.  I have a decent job.  I have a cute face. I have to learn to be alright with being alone.

By the way, if any of you say some crap to me about how my prince will show up once I quit trying to find him, I promise you I will delete you from my Facebook page. I will probably delete you from my phone.  I cannot be friends with a person that lives in that unrealistic world.  I have had many times when I was not trying to find someone because I had way too much going on, guess what, he didn't show then either.  Fact of the matter is, sometimes a prince will come, sometimes they don't.  I just wish I was the girl they came for.

Agape, philos and eros

"All you need is love," or at least that's what the Beatles said, right? And not just you, the whole world needs love according to Diana Ross. Love, love, love... We hear about it all of the time. In every song, in every movie and television show, every book... Humans have an obsession with love.  Ewan MacGregor's most famous line in Moulin Rouge? "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to be loved and love in return..." We're not happy with agape or philos love either, it's eros or it's nothing at all. Why?

I wanted to get biblical with this for a moment. Everyone, turn your bibles to 1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8, then skip to verse 13. See, here in the bible love is described as charity. Of course, this is often the most quoted chapter during wedding ceremonies.  This is, of course, right after the bride has walked down the aisle to Kelly Rowland's song "Motivation." Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit with that last line. What I do know is even people who aren't necessarily the strongest believers (or believers at all) will use those verses as a description of the love they have for their mate.  In the future, maybe those verses shouldn't be the ones that are used. Perhaps we should consider Song of Solomon 1: 2-4... Ladies, there is a verse for you to share with your man, try Song of Solomon 1: 13. See, the difference is in Corinthians, it's all about philos love - how you treat mankind.  Of course the bible has many examples of agape love - the unconditional kind God has for us. But Song of Solomon? Yeah, that's all about eros love. But what y'all know about that? Y'all don't know nothin' about that.

I had to write this tonight. My cousin is going through some things right now, and he inspired me to write. What can I say other than love is everyone's favorite and not so favorite subject. We're all obsessed with it. We spend our whole lives talking about it and how we want it or need it and gotta have it and can't live without it. Well, most of us do, except my Road Dog Amy.  She told me to tell y'all "stay away from romantic love.  It's an emotion and emotions pass.  Get a vibrator and call it a day!"  As lovely as that sentiment is, it's kind of unrealistic.  Love happens.  Unfortunately, it doesn't happen for all of us.  Personally I think that's where we go wrong. We expect it to happen because it happens for so many other folks.  The last guy that I dated seemed to be fascinated with the fact that I was (and I still somewhat am) convinced I won't ever fall in love. The fact that he even caught on to me saying that was a miracle in itself, seeing as he had the attention span of a gnat.

Some of you might be asking at this point "why doesn't Lisa believe she will ever fall in love?" Well, there's the issue of never having been in love and I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30.  Of course that leads some of y'all to ask "well then how in the hell does she think she can blog about love?" Just because I haven't fallen in love doesn't mean I haven't broken anyone's heart. All I want to say about that is the other point the man with the attention span of a gnat made was people always want what they can't have.  So, the people that have fallen for me did so because they couldn't have me.  Of course this reminds me of the conversation my mother and I had earlier... Mary is brilliant and we'll leave it at that.

Which brings me to my question, and this one is for the boys... Why do you always want to go for a woman who is out of your league? Don't get me wrong, I had a bad habit of falling for men that I could never have. But usually that was because I wanted to deny the guy was gay (George Michael) or maybe he's an A-list celebrity (George Clooney) or he plays for the Green Bay Packers and he's very married (James Jones) or whatever you want to say, that was my previous problem. Now I'm just learning to accept that as a 7.5 - 8 on a scale from 1 - 10 (I admit I have my flaws) I need to follow Joey Tribbiani's rule of dating.  As a 7.5, I can date another 7.5, or a 4 and a 3.5, or a 5 and a 2.5, or three 2.5's... You get the idea.  Men, on the other hand, always go for women that could do better than them, so these women have to settle. Perfect example, President Obama. Don't get me wrong, our President is pretty cool.  He has swag on swag. But let's face it, Michelle is certainly smarter than he is, there's a reason she was his boss.  As long as I'm being political, let's look at Bush 43... Dubya did not have the best reputation when he was younger... But Laura is a total class act. She put up with his shenanigans, and it paid off in that she became the FLOTUS, but was it really worth it in the end? Why oh why do we put up with it from these men?

Not that women aren't without their flaws. I always promised myself if I did ever get married, I would NEVER nag my husband to death. How in the fuck a man doesn't haul off and knock a nagging chick out is beyond my comprehension. Not that I condone violence against women by any stretch of the imagination... I just know that I don't want to hear the shit when I get home from work so I imagine he wouldn't want to hear it either.  Also, being the man in the relationship is for the man. I'm not saying women have to stay in the kitchen except when they're in the bedroom... I'm saying let a man be a man, whatever that may mean to him. Do not belittle him.  Remember that you don't have to "obey" him, because that's for pets and children, but at the same time, he deserves to be respected.

 Maybe we'll all get it right before December 21st, but I doubt it. Feel free to comment and give me some insight, because I only pretend to know everything. Love to you all during this holiday season...

A Cameo song suddenly pops in my head...

I watched this movie earlier today with my friend Amy.  It was and was not what I expected. I like to think that we all have coming of age moments throughout our lifetimes, and this movie seems to have examined a coming of age moment for our protagonist, Lola. First, let me state I was pleasantly surprised to see Debra Winger and Bill Pullman playing her parents in the film, as I do think they are fine actors who just don't get enough work nowadays.  Another point, I'm glad they used lesser known actors for the main roles, because that seemed to make the story more believable. Final aside before I get to my theme - I love movies where the character makes me empathize. Yes, I said it, empathize, not sympathize with her.

Now my main point - I'm young.  Not chronologically, because say what you want but 39 is middle aged.  What I mean when I say I'm young is I think like a young person.  There was a time, 10-15 years ago, where I would have said this was not the case.  In fact, I'm finding the older I'm getting, the more I'm regressing.  I don't know if this is common, but I'm realizing that I have a youthful spirit about me that I didn't have before. This does not, in any way shape or form, mean that I am more likely to put up with bullshit. I'm young, but I'm not stupid.  It's just I have a lot of friends that are younger than I am, along with an appreciation for the youth/ young adult culture of today.  This is not to say that I don't like hanging out with older people, because some days those are the only people I want to be around.  I'm just saying in general, I'm pretty immature.

Perhaps because of my inexperience, immaturity or whatever the case may be, I'm having some issues with some things that seem to flow for everyone else.  Notice in the photo, it says Lola vs. Sex, Love, Lola, The World. Lola, a typical 29 year old at the beginning of the film, is excited because she gets engaged to a man that she is convinced is the love of her life. Life is going well until our main character is dumped by her fiance. Her life takes all kinds of wacky twists and turns over the next year, and we get to go through it with her. I'm watching this movie, however, thinking although I haven't had her exact same experiences, her problems are my problems. See, she was obsessed with her ex-fiance.  Not in a stalker sort of way, but in the way that people tend to put others ahead of themselves.  I admit it, I've done that before. Not for extended periods of time, because after a while, that shit becomes annoying.  But I've done it and I can't say I won't do it again.  But is that something that people do? I mean, I thought spouses did stuff like that. I guess I'm wrong.

Another question I have from the film, and this is something that I've had to address with more than one person lately... Why do people insist that you find someone when you aren't looking? Lola and her best friend had that conversation. I've had it recently with one of my cousins. A lot of people say this to me on a regular basis. This is my problem with that statement, if you're single and you want a mate, you're looking for a mate. Period. That's all there is to it. There are some days where you may look harder than others, but every day you are putting it out there be it in the way that you dress, your actions, your interactions with others, just name it.  Now, don't get me wrong, you may be shocked once you find it, but to say that you weren't looking for it is disingenuous in most cases.  After all, how many people meet on websites? That's eHarmony's whole selling point, the number of great matches they have due to their "scientific method" of matching up people. What is it, 47 different levels? For that matter, look at the amount of money people spend on these sites, just to avoid being alone.

I often say that I'm going to end up alone.  I have good reason to believe that is true.  According to the wisest woman I know (my mother) I shouldn't say that because I don't know what God has in store for me.  I know this much, if He had plans for me to be with someone, He would have made me more willing to put up with idiocy.  Just when I think I'm willing to deal with a guy, he goes and does or says something stupid... Or one of my friends points out some flaw in him that I can't overlook... Or I realize how much easier it is to just not be serious about him because of myriad reasons that I'm not willing to list at this point.  I'm kind of tired. I've repeatedly said that I'm sick of people, but I think I'm going to honestly try to do some stuff differently in order to avoid dealing with a lot of people for a little while.  Folks are getting to be too much. So, you all will still hear from me on Facebook or any comments made to this post, but if you don't see me or hear from me otherwise, don't worry, I'm okay. I'm just pulling away for a while.  And no, it's not because I am hoping to find someone special or any of that bull, it's honestly because I want to get back to a place where I like people again, and until I start to miss some of y'all, I need to stay away.

During my absence, try not to suck.

It's been a long time coming...

So, I've taken the entire summer off from blogging, and I'm not quite sure why.  Probably because I wanted to blog about something that makes me happy, yet unfortunately for me that hasn't happened.  I guess it's because the more time passes by, the more I fucking hate people.  I know I'm not supposed to say I hate people, but with every fiber of my being I'm really becoming more disgusted with this world.

A few days ago I gave my boss a copy of my resume.  He's helping me clean it up and make it look pretty because I am ready to find something else to do with my life, and I want nothing to do with a call center.  Well, anyone who has met me in the past two years knows that I have a degree in Religious Studies, and most people know that I was the President of the Religious Studies Student Organization.  Apparently, putting that on a resume is the "kiss of death" because it says "religious."  This is why people make me so fucking sick.  I really want whoever is reading this to think about this... I studied religions because it gave me a better idea of people, who they are, what they believe, and it taught me to accept people.  The irony?  Yeah, apparently because I studied religion I wouldn't be considered by most companies as worthy of hiring.  You see, as a religious studies student, I must be completely myopic - there is no way that I could understand what other people believe because studying religion means I'm a Christian, not that I understand about the Holocaust, or the difference between someone who practices Islam and someone who is Islamist, or what it means to be "Born Shinto, Die Buddhist".  No, that couldn't possibly be what I was taught.  You see, what I had to have been taught is that Christianity is the only way to Heaven, and that anyone who doesn't believe in Christian Protestant religions will surely burn in Hell as Jesus is the only Way.  At least that's what I'm led to believe by employers, except if anyone read my resume they would see my degree is from University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee, not Liberty University.  There are way more people who are agnostic or atheist getting Religious Studies degrees at UWM than even I thought was imaginable.  Why is that?  Because people are looking for ways to understand questions about the supernatural, and questions about other people.  Yet everyone assumes that my degree means I want to be a minister or something.  Far from it!  If I wanted to go to a Bible college and preach, I would have done so.  But I don't have to go to college to know how to preach or what to preach about, I go to church which allows me plenty of opportunity to learn how to preach.

I guess another problem I have is people who don't want to talk about religion, or politics, or whatever sets of beliefs one might have.  I don't think debating those things is right, as I think everyone is entitled to believe whatever they choose.  But I want to hear that folks have thoughts about these things, yet this world has become too PC to talk about fun stuff.  Or maybe it's because people always want to argue instead of learning to understand another person's POV.  Yet another reason why people annoy the shit out of me.

A lot of people think they are so open minded and willing to learn about what makes people tick.  It's a fucking joke to me.  The minute a person closes their ears and eyes to hearing about other religions should be a clue for me to not want to know them.  I seriously need to take a break from everyone, because the more I get to know about people, the more I realize I should just find a dog and go off the grid.

This is it, for the most part

So the beginning of the end has happened.  I finished, for better or worse, my first final earlier today.  I have four more finals to take.  I will be completely done on Thursday at 2:00 PM.  I don't anticipate having grades like I did last semester, but I'm fine with it.  My main concern is getting across the stage next week Sunday.  I'm so happy that I didn't turn back this time.  It was easy not going to school all of those years (1993 - 2006) but something clicked for me at the end of 2006 that told me it was time to go back.  So in January 2007, I embarked upon a new chapter in my life.  I didn't think I would go more than a semester.  I certainly did not have to go back to school, as I was in what I thought was a secure and stable job.  Looking back, going to school was the best decision I could have made at that time.  I had a lot going on in my life from 2005 - 2007, and school brought some focus that I would not have had otherwise.  Of course, 2007 - 2009 were some tough years, but I was reminded that I had a working brain, and it needed some food.  I couldn't just sit back and watch people get degrees and good jobs, knowing that I had the knowledge to obtain a degree from almost any school. 
I look back at this time because I remember what I was like almost 20 years ago, when I graduated from high school.  I had no desire to go to college, but I wanted to leave Milwaukee so desperately, specifically leaving my mother's house.  Being "grown" meant that I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and had no one to answer to.  No wonder I left college when I did! I tried to go back, but that was not going to happen. I lasted about a semester before I left for good, or so I thought.
I'm jumping around quite a bit tonight, but that's because my academic career is representative of the vicissitudes of life that I have experienced thus far... I'm at my best when I'm in school, especially when I'm doing well in school.  When I'm not in school, I waste a lot of time trying to figure out how to exercise my gray cells.  If I don't find something constructive, I become destructive.  I need to work on the next part of my academic career as soon as possible, as I don't want to lose the focus I have developed.  It's kind of funny, talking about having focus when I'm avoiding studying for finals...
I think of all the times my family and friends gave me grief and stayed on me about going back to school.  In my head, it was not going to happen because there was nothing that I could do well enough to get a bachelors degree.  Then I remembered I could read.  Seriously though, I know my degree is not useful for more than certain, specific jobs, but fact of the matter is, in this job climate the only position I could have worked towards with a guaranteed job anywhere was nurse, and sorry, but I'm not nurse material.  The minute someone told me I would have to stick someone with a needle is the minute I would walk out of the hospital doors.  So although my degree is in History and Religious Studies, two disciplines that basically scream "go into teaching" and nothing else, I'm pretty proud of having accomplished a B.A. in them.
I'm excited.  I don't know what the future will bring.  I know that it will bring student loans.  I'm hoping it will bring an awesome job.  Most importantly, I'm looking forward to adding a new title to my life story, college graduate.
Have a good week y'all...