I've been thinking about tonight's potential post a lot this week, as I have had some interesting conversations recently about this topic. The other night, we were all at work discussing how everyone in the office, with the exception of one person, was in an interracial relationship. That one person sits behind me at work. With that being said, some of you know this already, I've been seeing a man who is not the same race that I am. Because of the sensitive nature of this issue, along with other reasons, we have not divulged this information to his family. There are a number of people in my family that know about him, but I haven't even told all of them about us. Not because of his race, but because for once in my life I might actually be serious about someone (and I don't want to mess it up), that has yet to be seen for sure. But I digress...
I really just wanted to talk about the changes I've seen in my lifetime regarding interracial dating. Although I grew up on the north side of Milwaukee, I spent a lot of time in the suburbs, particularly Whitefish Bay. There is a reason why this area is nicknamed "White Folks Bay." It's not a bad thing, it is what it is. However, this also exposed me to a lot of white people that I may not have known otherwise. Of course, this probably played a role in my attraction to men who aren't the same race that I am, and by probably I meant it did. It's not that I never liked any black guys, because God knows there was one in particular that stole my heart for a long time in grade school, but we won't talk about him right now. What I do notice is it was a big deal for me to go to Homecoming with a white guy sophomore year and Sadie Hawkins/ Winter Formal junior year because that wasn't done at WFB, yet if it happened at the same school today, I would guess that it would not be as big of a deal. There's something different about this generation, and I like it.
Unfortunately for the rest of us, the only changes that are taking place are within the younger generations. I don't understand why people still care today who is dating people outside of their race. I think I may be a little more sensitive to this because I've always hung out with lots of different people, often times realizing I was the ONLY black person in the room (that will happen when you spend the majority of your life in the Midwest). Maybe I'm thinking about this because of the comments I've heard all of my life, or the names I was called (Oreo? Seriously? I hate the filling in the middle of Oreo cookies! They taste like lard mixed with sugar! Yecch). Or maybe I'm thinking about this because of the man I'm seeing. I like him. I'm thinking race will become an issue with us though, as it is a major concern for him, but not so much for me. I wish everyone would get where the rest of this younger generation is, because there has got to come a time when people realize that color doesn't matter when you find a good person...
Before you all go trying to bash my special friend for the way he has chosen to handle this situation, I want you to ask yourselves, and be honest, what would you do if you were in the same situation? Do you think you could bring someone that wasn't the same race as yourself home to meet your parents? Don't give me that "we're all the same race" bullshit either, because that's not the case... Be totally real with yourself when you answer this question, maybe you will find out something that you didn't realize about yourself or your family and friends. Do you think your family could accept your significant other if that person was not the same race as you? Would the racial jokes stop? How much would have to change about how your family conducts themselves? Take a second, think about it.
I would also like to take this time to think about the parallels between myself and Carrie Bradshaw... I used to pride myself on being anyone but Carrie in Sex and the City, but I'm feeling a lot like that chick lately. Poo. I hope I'm smarter than she is, but I have a feeling I'm not.
Have a good week, my people.
While I can't relate on the point of race, I do know what it felt like to finally tell my predominantly Jewish family that I was dating a lapsed-Catholic boy. I feared the ostracism, reverse discrimination that my now sister-in-law got in full force from some of my relatives. While its really great to have the support of your family, what's most important is your own happiness - you have to live with this person, not them, every day hopefully for the rest of your life. If you two are happy, that's the most important thing.
ReplyDeleteDonna and I talked about remembering "it's you and me against the world..." It's true. When you decide that person is your better/other/crazier (etc.) half, you have to remember that as your other half, the two of you are one. Family is important, and it always will be, but choosing someone to go through this lifetime with you, well, you have to decide for yourself how much of a priority that person will be. Are they really your partner? If not, maybe it's time to let them go. Of course for those of us that have yet to know for sure, we have to stick it out until we know.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly enough, I came across this after I wrote this blog. I can't link it for some reason. Ugh. Copying and pasting should work fine.
ReplyDeletehttp://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12289
I'm thinking about what you sd about the young generation ok w/ interracial dating..wouldn't you say that might have been what the generation older than us would have said about interracial friendships? I know my extended (not my parents- as you know) family had issues with me being FRIENDS with people outside our race...well, outside of being ukies really... but I digress...
ReplyDeleteMaybe it has to change in stages, and just has to suck for some of us for a while before it gets better?
Actually Nina, I would not agree with that, but that's only because of all of the friends I had that weren't black. I think they may have been impressed that we all had friends that were different races, but not surprised. There is an old saying that I've heard more than one black person use, "if she/he can't use your comb, don't bring him/her home..." It's one thing to be friends with people of a different color, but becoming involved is another thing altogether. I guess it's because if your child is dating someone, that person potentially may be a part of your family. I don't know, to me the whole thing is fucking stupid. Life is not short, it's long. It's even longer when you have to go through it alone. I would think families would be happy when their loved one finds someone to love them, regardless of color. Unfortunately, that's not the case, at least not for me.
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful piece Lisa!
ReplyDeleteThank you Corey... I'm glad you think so!
ReplyDelete