Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Agape, philos and eros

"All you need is love," or at least that's what the Beatles said, right? And not just you, the whole world needs love according to Diana Ross. Love, love, love... We hear about it all of the time. In every song, in every movie and television show, every book... Humans have an obsession with love.  Ewan MacGregor's most famous line in Moulin Rouge? "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to be loved and love in return..." We're not happy with agape or philos love either, it's eros or it's nothing at all. Why?

I wanted to get biblical with this for a moment. Everyone, turn your bibles to 1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8, then skip to verse 13. See, here in the bible love is described as charity. Of course, this is often the most quoted chapter during wedding ceremonies.  This is, of course, right after the bride has walked down the aisle to Kelly Rowland's song "Motivation." Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit with that last line. What I do know is even people who aren't necessarily the strongest believers (or believers at all) will use those verses as a description of the love they have for their mate.  In the future, maybe those verses shouldn't be the ones that are used. Perhaps we should consider Song of Solomon 1: 2-4... Ladies, there is a verse for you to share with your man, try Song of Solomon 1: 13. See, the difference is in Corinthians, it's all about philos love - how you treat mankind.  Of course the bible has many examples of agape love - the unconditional kind God has for us. But Song of Solomon? Yeah, that's all about eros love. But what y'all know about that? Y'all don't know nothin' about that.

I had to write this tonight. My cousin is going through some things right now, and he inspired me to write. What can I say other than love is everyone's favorite and not so favorite subject. We're all obsessed with it. We spend our whole lives talking about it and how we want it or need it and gotta have it and can't live without it. Well, most of us do, except my Road Dog Amy.  She told me to tell y'all "stay away from romantic love.  It's an emotion and emotions pass.  Get a vibrator and call it a day!"  As lovely as that sentiment is, it's kind of unrealistic.  Love happens.  Unfortunately, it doesn't happen for all of us.  Personally I think that's where we go wrong. We expect it to happen because it happens for so many other folks.  The last guy that I dated seemed to be fascinated with the fact that I was (and I still somewhat am) convinced I won't ever fall in love. The fact that he even caught on to me saying that was a miracle in itself, seeing as he had the attention span of a gnat.

Some of you might be asking at this point "why doesn't Lisa believe she will ever fall in love?" Well, there's the issue of never having been in love and I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30.  Of course that leads some of y'all to ask "well then how in the hell does she think she can blog about love?" Just because I haven't fallen in love doesn't mean I haven't broken anyone's heart. All I want to say about that is the other point the man with the attention span of a gnat made was people always want what they can't have.  So, the people that have fallen for me did so because they couldn't have me.  Of course this reminds me of the conversation my mother and I had earlier... Mary is brilliant and we'll leave it at that.

Which brings me to my question, and this one is for the boys... Why do you always want to go for a woman who is out of your league? Don't get me wrong, I had a bad habit of falling for men that I could never have. But usually that was because I wanted to deny the guy was gay (George Michael) or maybe he's an A-list celebrity (George Clooney) or he plays for the Green Bay Packers and he's very married (James Jones) or whatever you want to say, that was my previous problem. Now I'm just learning to accept that as a 7.5 - 8 on a scale from 1 - 10 (I admit I have my flaws) I need to follow Joey Tribbiani's rule of dating.  As a 7.5, I can date another 7.5, or a 4 and a 3.5, or a 5 and a 2.5, or three 2.5's... You get the idea.  Men, on the other hand, always go for women that could do better than them, so these women have to settle. Perfect example, President Obama. Don't get me wrong, our President is pretty cool.  He has swag on swag. But let's face it, Michelle is certainly smarter than he is, there's a reason she was his boss.  As long as I'm being political, let's look at Bush 43... Dubya did not have the best reputation when he was younger... But Laura is a total class act. She put up with his shenanigans, and it paid off in that she became the FLOTUS, but was it really worth it in the end? Why oh why do we put up with it from these men?

Not that women aren't without their flaws. I always promised myself if I did ever get married, I would NEVER nag my husband to death. How in the fuck a man doesn't haul off and knock a nagging chick out is beyond my comprehension. Not that I condone violence against women by any stretch of the imagination... I just know that I don't want to hear the shit when I get home from work so I imagine he wouldn't want to hear it either.  Also, being the man in the relationship is for the man. I'm not saying women have to stay in the kitchen except when they're in the bedroom... I'm saying let a man be a man, whatever that may mean to him. Do not belittle him.  Remember that you don't have to "obey" him, because that's for pets and children, but at the same time, he deserves to be respected.

 Maybe we'll all get it right before December 21st, but I doubt it. Feel free to comment and give me some insight, because I only pretend to know everything. Love to you all during this holiday season...



Sunday, July 1, 2012

A Cameo song suddenly pops in my head...

I watched this movie earlier today with my friend Amy.  It was and was not what I expected. I like to think that we all have coming of age moments throughout our lifetimes, and this movie seems to have examined a coming of age moment for our protagonist, Lola. First, let me state I was pleasantly surprised to see Debra Winger and Bill Pullman playing her parents in the film, as I do think they are fine actors who just don't get enough work nowadays.  Another point, I'm glad they used lesser known actors for the main roles, because that seemed to make the story more believable. Final aside before I get to my theme - I love movies where the character makes me empathize. Yes, I said it, empathize, not sympathize with her.

Now my main point - I'm young.  Not chronologically, because say what you want but 39 is middle aged.  What I mean when I say I'm young is I think like a young person.  There was a time, 10-15 years ago, where I would have said this was not the case.  In fact, I'm finding the older I'm getting, the more I'm regressing.  I don't know if this is common, but I'm realizing that I have a youthful spirit about me that I didn't have before. This does not, in any way shape or form, mean that I am more likely to put up with bullshit. I'm young, but I'm not stupid.  It's just I have a lot of friends that are younger than I am, along with an appreciation for the youth/ young adult culture of today.  This is not to say that I don't like hanging out with older people, because some days those are the only people I want to be around.  I'm just saying in general, I'm pretty immature.

Perhaps because of my inexperience, immaturity or whatever the case may be, I'm having some issues with some things that seem to flow for everyone else.  Notice in the photo, it says Lola vs. Sex, Love, Lola, The World. Lola, a typical 29 year old at the beginning of the film, is excited because she gets engaged to a man that she is convinced is the love of her life. Life is going well until our main character is dumped by her fiance. Her life takes all kinds of wacky twists and turns over the next year, and we get to go through it with her. I'm watching this movie, however, thinking although I haven't had her exact same experiences, her problems are my problems. See, she was obsessed with her ex-fiance.  Not in a stalker sort of way, but in the way that people tend to put others ahead of themselves.  I admit it, I've done that before. Not for extended periods of time, because after a while, that shit becomes annoying.  But I've done it and I can't say I won't do it again.  But is that something that people do? I mean, I thought spouses did stuff like that. I guess I'm wrong.

Another question I have from the film, and this is something that I've had to address with more than one person lately... Why do people insist that you find someone when you aren't looking? Lola and her best friend had that conversation. I've had it recently with one of my cousins. A lot of people say this to me on a regular basis. This is my problem with that statement, if you're single and you want a mate, you're looking for a mate. Period. That's all there is to it. There are some days where you may look harder than others, but every day you are putting it out there be it in the way that you dress, your actions, your interactions with others, just name it.  Now, don't get me wrong, you may be shocked once you find it, but to say that you weren't looking for it is disingenuous in most cases.  After all, how many people meet on websites? That's eHarmony's whole selling point, the number of great matches they have due to their "scientific method" of matching up people. What is it, 47 different levels? For that matter, look at the amount of money people spend on these sites, just to avoid being alone.

I often say that I'm going to end up alone.  I have good reason to believe that is true.  According to the wisest woman I know (my mother) I shouldn't say that because I don't know what God has in store for me.  I know this much, if He had plans for me to be with someone, He would have made me more willing to put up with idiocy.  Just when I think I'm willing to deal with a guy, he goes and does or says something stupid... Or one of my friends points out some flaw in him that I can't overlook... Or I realize how much easier it is to just not be serious about him because of myriad reasons that I'm not willing to list at this point.  I'm kind of tired. I've repeatedly said that I'm sick of people, but I think I'm going to honestly try to do some stuff differently in order to avoid dealing with a lot of people for a little while.  Folks are getting to be too much. So, you all will still hear from me on Facebook or any comments made to this post, but if you don't see me or hear from me otherwise, don't worry, I'm okay. I'm just pulling away for a while.  And no, it's not because I am hoping to find someone special or any of that bull, it's honestly because I want to get back to a place where I like people again, and until I start to miss some of y'all, I need to stay away.

During my absence, try not to suck.